I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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