I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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