I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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