I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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