So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How does one acquire holy water?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
