theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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