I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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