god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize