atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
