Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
