It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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