I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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