he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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