Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
