At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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