Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Damn victory sex feels great
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