I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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