I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
