Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize