At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How's work?
Spinning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
