Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize