Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
