She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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