I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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