i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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