i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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