It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
