No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
