So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
