I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
