I want to make a zoo with you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize