maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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