idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
