And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
