Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize