was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
