He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
