kristin has been a bad kristin
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
