call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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