just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize