she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
