I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My ATM looks so different sober.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
