Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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