if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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