yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
