I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize