Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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