We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
