i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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