He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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