i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize