Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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