I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
