i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
