I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize