Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
