I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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