I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
