We're facebook friends in real life
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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