I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
