You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
