quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
