East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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