I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize