my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
