Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
