And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
