If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
