I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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