FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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