I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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