i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
