i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
