I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
