His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
