I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize