I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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