Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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