If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
